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i have a friend who has a female roommate.  my pastor tells me that i should not be hanging out with him because it gives the appearance that something is not right.  i know nothing is going on, what should i do?

while i think there are several underlining questions that could be dealt with in your question, like "obeying a pastor," i believe there is one central and underling question that needs to be addressed - that of the "appearance that something is not right."  that is what i believe you are striving to get an answer too.  i believe when we answer this central point, the rest of the underlining questions will take care of themselves.

over my time in ministry i have heard more pastors say, "the appearance of something inappropriate" is just as bad as doing something inappropriate.  well, i have to say, in all my studies i have not come across a single scripture that will support such a statement.  in fact, jesus himself speaks out against this understanding several times (message page 29; message page 46; mat 9 and 15).  for jesus it was the act, or thought of the act,  and not the impression that one was doing the act that caused concern.  for example, when he spoke of adultery, he also spoke that the thought of committing adultery was just and equally as wrong.  but he never mentioned that the "appearance of adultery" was wrong.  why?  simply put - appearances are nothing.

paul, in titus (message page 454), puts it in direct and powerful language.  he writes"

"everything is clean to the clean-minded; nothing is clean to dirty-minded unbelievers.  they leave their dirty fingerprints on every thought and act.  they say they know God, but their actions speak louder then their words.  they're real creeps, disobedient good for-nothings."

some may say paul is talking about the "unbelievers" but he is not, he is speaking about those of us who claim to believe and follow the teachings, but place our own dirty minds in the mix.  paul writes this:

"for there are a lot of rebels out there, full of loose, confusing, and deceiving talk.  those who were brought up religious and ought to know better are the worst."

you see, when we look at something and claim it to have "the appearance of inappropriateness" we are actually placing our own thoughts on the situation.  when we see people living together and say to ourselves, and others, that they are "living in sin" what we are actually saying is - "if it was me i would be living in sin in that situation."  

if you know nothing is going on in an inappropriate nature - don't stop seeing your friends.  the pastor needs to get a grip on his own limitations - but let me add this, in a great many cases like this the pastor is told by a "board" to "take care of the situation."  this brings to life another concern that the pastor is being lead by others, and is not the spiritual leader he needs to be.

i see nothing wrong with people living together - in a platonic relationship - regardless of their genders.  in a world where it is hard to make ends meet, having a roommate is important; in a world were friendship is valued, having a friend to talk with is important.  don't walk away from your friendship because others see something that is not there and they demand you do so - stand for your friends and for what jesus and paul both teach - "if you see something dirty, you are viewing it with a dirty mind."