are churches building community?
by: John O'Keefe
Rating: 5.00
I am not sure I would agree with the standard church line that many claim, “We are building community.” Most churches I know claim this but I wonder if they truly are. I mean I don’t want to sound harsh, but it sounds like a “tag line” for a church marketing program: “Come to Our Church, We Build Community.” And it seems that for many, it simply is a “tag-line” used to market the church and come across as “something different.” Yet, I wonder if they even know what it means to be in a real, true, open, accepting, loving, knowing community? I am not even sure they have a grip on what a community is; sure they might know in part, but not in whole. Let me share with you a few examples of the communities I see many churches developing:
The “Subdivision Builders:” Take a good look at the “big church” on the corner, it might be growing and it might a cool pastor or “music” [insert the name of another program if you desire] program, but is it building a community? Many in the church would say, “Yes we are building community.” As an example they will point to the amount of small groups they have and when you speak to the “Small Group Pastor” they will point out some people who claim that those small groups saved their life, marriage, children, family, or some other thing “worth” saving. Yet ask the person who is new to the church and looking to get hooked into one of those churches “communities” and you see a very different reaction.
The “idea of community” for these churches is to place people into “groupings” – the “single adults” in the single adult group and the “older married” in with the older married group. If, for what ever reason you have, you feel the need to belong to a group you will need to “fit that group.” Is that bad? I am not sure, but it is not what I desire. It is at best, a “subdivision” of a community, not a community unto itself.
The “Gated Development Builders:” Chances are, in your area many of the local “Denominational Churches” [you know, the Presbyterians, the Lutheran, the United Methodists, and even many of the Southern Baptists and many others fall into this gathering] fall smack into this idea of “community;” one is “the Doctor Church” because most of the area Doctors go to that church; another is the “Lawyer Church” because many of the local Lawyers go to that church; one is called the “Banker Church” because many of the Bankers go to that one church; one is called “Old Money Church” because many of the people in that church have families that “go way back” in the area.
These churches are not building community, they are in fact building “gated developments” where only those “who fit” the profile are welcomed into the church. In fact, if you do not “fit the profile” you will feel left out and ignored. Many who do not fit the profile may go for a short time, but will soon find themselves looking for another church.
Keep in mind, these churches are not “doing it on purpose” [neither are the others] but they are doing it via their actions. They may desire to have a “community” larger then the one they have now, but they just do not know how to get it. For example, I served as an associate pastor with one of these churches while I was at Drew. Some in the church wanted to have a “week end get away” for the youth and have a ski trip. The trip was going to cost some $400 per person, lodging, food, lift tickets and in some cases rentals, and some of the youth could not afford it [and, they did not pay me enough to afford it either]. The solution the parents developed was that is a kid could not afford it then they could apply for a “grant” to go [I was on my own]. The idea was that those who needed the funds could apply to a special committee of selected parents and teens, write and essay as to why they needed the money for the trip and what they felt they would get out of being given the opportunity to go on this trip. Needless to say, the division between the “haves” and “have-nots” was not closed that evening and I quit before the trip took place.
The “Associations:” I know of many churches in USAmerica that fit in this area. In a “community understanding” associations are designed to keep all the houses looking somewhat the same; after all, there are rules. They strive hard to make sure that the outside of the house fits the colors allowed and that no campers are parked in the front yard, or broken cars in the driveway. The problem with associations is that one never knows the power and control of the association until they join, and commit to the property, and then it is too late.
Where we live there is an association, and they limit us to what we can and can not do to the property. Now, for those who think an association is a good thing, it is usually based on the economic values of the home – which may or may not be a good reason, but that is another article all together. In a “church” setting this mentality is found in the reality that all people are expected to look the same, think the same and act the same. Diversity is frowned upon and is not something encouraged.
Association churches like “order” and “sameness” in what they do. They like to see things all looking the same, smelling the same and tasting the same. If things start to get “out of sameness” they are quick to turn to the “association rules” and call people back into sameness.
How to build a community:
I’m not sure I see a great deal of community being built in churches today, but that does not mean it can’t be done. So, how does one build community? I hear a great deal of talk, but very little community developing. How do we change that? How do we develop a community in our “community of faith?” How do we get past the “me” and move to the “we?” I think I have some ideas.
First, and I think this is the most important thing we can do as a church community, we need to intentionally form community. We need to keep our eyes open and make sure we are not just putting in bad code. Our goal should be to see community developed and secured.
Second, we have to be willing to walk with people in their lives – we need to be ready to be active players in the lives of the people we serve [and yes, we MUST be true servant to all we know]. This is important because “leaders” do not build community, which is impossible. If not, we are just talking a game and finding human limits as to why we can not do as God requires of us.
Think of it this way, if you do not know the name of the children of the single mom in the seat next to you; you need to get connected to her life, regardless of your position in life. If you do not know the spiritual walk of a person in your community, get to know that person and their walk. Know the people you are to serve.
Nothing drives me crazier then a person who is a “leader” in the church asking me about another member of the church. When I have been confronted with such a condition in the past I have been hit with, “You should know you’re the pastor.” And it never fails, that is usually the same person who will argue with you about all the “leaders” being equal. But to truly build community one must be involved in the lives of the people, and be willing to share your life with them. Now, I am a realist and I know that we can’t know everyone, but I am also not going to give leaders an “out” with that. I think we are to know everyone in our church we serve, and we should strive to know everyone. If not we are not following scripture and we are using human limits as our guide walk in faith and our journey with others.
Third, there needs to be a willing of all people to “get dirty.” while getting involved in the life of people we need to be ready to get down and get dirty and truly be involved in their lives. Life is a not a clean process – sometimes life calls us at 2:30am to help with a flat, or to give a ride to work, or pick up a drunk who can’t [or should not] drive home. But that is what it takes to live in a community of faith. It is a comforting thing to know that if you own a crappy car and it breaks down, someone will get you back and forth to work while your car is being fixed.
Forth, there needs to be a willing to be vulnerable with those we hardly know. That’s right; we have to be ready to be hurt and dragged through the mud. Because if we are unwilling to share our inner heart, how can we expect others to share with us? There needs to be a desire on our part to share, and open our life to all people. This is scary because we are only willing to do this with people we have known for a long time, and it seems that I may be suggesting that we need to be willing to do this with people we hardly know. Well, let me assure you that that is exactly what I am saying.
There is mo way for us to build community if we keep secretes from others, no matter how personal we may think that secret might be. We truly need to go past self and into others. While this has an element of danger and trust, we need to remember that others should share with us and our hearts must be hearts willing to not judge, but to love and understand.
Closing
You see, I think we need to live like Jesus did and live among the people, know them and know their heart. As leaders we should not have to ask another how a person is doing, we should be with the person and know first hand how they are doing. We need to truly live on the edge and taste what it means to be alive in community.
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Comments
Dude. This is encouraging but a tall order. Sounds someting like the Gospel I experince on good days
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